You prepare your heart for it,

Knowing it will come,

You raise those walls,

You expect nothing,

You seal those lips,

You lock those questions,

For only then,

You know you can,

Greet it proudly,

Smiling sadly.

 

Pessimistic much?

I came upon this little poem I had written a couple of years ago. And it is beautiful in the way that it captures my present state of mind and it’s battles.

I catch myself doing the following often. Whenever I have an event coming up, which involves a possible approval from another person, I prepare to get rejected. More or less always. The few times that I have not done so, ended badly, when the verdict was not in my favor.

This could be related to an approval from my boss, an approval from a cute guy. I also used to do the same thing when expecting approval from my parents, but I have now rooted myself into a position where I can reason with them. While they may not agree, I believe that my own personal financial independence may have helped. But in other cases, where money does not help, I am still at a loss. I do fight for things that I believe I am due, but I also believe that people have a right in choosing the right partner for them. This is a right I exercise quite often, mind you. So in all fairness, if the guy does not like you, there is no point in fighting or arguing your case. Your best bet is to move on. But it still fucking sucks.

I do not believe that preparing to get rejected is the right way of going about things. Having high expectations of the other person from your end, believing in yourself and knowing that things are for the best is the best way to handle it. And while it may suck a while after said day, it is still worth it. Don’t forget to pick up and move on.